You’re Probably Not As Nice as You Think You Are

Canadians like to think we're nice, but really, we've been mostly lucky to live in a nice place, at a nice time; we need to recognize that can change, and work harder to make sure it doesn't

The day everything started shutting down in response to Covid, my partner, who usually isn't the overprotective type, unexpectedly insisted on telling me what to do.

Having lived through the collapse of the Soviet Union in Belarus during his childhood, he was primed to expect that such large-scale societal disruptions could lead to absolute chaos.

Normally, he wouldn't hesitate to “let” me go to the store alone, but this day, he was adamant about going with me to pick up my birth control; after dropping me off, he further insisted I shouldn't go out alone while he was at work (I worked from home way before Covid).

In most situations, controlling behaviour like this would alarm me, as I'm not someone who likes to be told what to do, and it's not the kind of behaviour I would typically expect or accept from my partner. However, this was so out of character for him that I took his concerns seriously and followed his advice.

As it turned out, his instinct that the lockdowns could lead to societal breakdown might have been a bit of an overshoot - especially regarding the speed at which he thought it would happen - influenced by his past experiences.

We didn’t immediately fall apart, though the frenzy of panic buying was probably a sign of the unease that was beginning to simmer beneath the surface.

It took some time, but I think he was ultimately right about people’s worst tendencies emerging en masse amidst uncertainty. The delayed reaction compared to his initial expectations was probably due to our previously incredibly stable environment, in contrast to his birthplace.

If faced with a similar crisis in the future, we might descend into chaos more swiftly. Now, we too are primed.

We often assume we're nicer than people in other parts of the world, but in reality, we've just been fortunate enough to have ample stability and resources to avoid conflict.

It's no more complicated than the fact that if your backyard garden yields more tomatoes than you and your family can eat, you’re likely to offer the extras to anyone willing to take them, rather than let them go to waste.

The exception, of course, arises if you’re the type who hoards out of pure selfish meanness, indifferent to the actual need or use for what you amass. Yet, I still tend to believe that such profound, down-to-the-core mean-spiritedness is more the exception than the norm, globally. After all, maintaining such greediness is, in itself, a lot of work.

When there's plenty, most people share; when there's scarcity, the instinct to fight often prevails.

People often pontificate on what it all means when things start to go wrong in society, myself very much included. This was certainly the case with my shock at how many people were willing to celebrate Hamas’ actions against Israelis as “resistance”. 

There’s also a general feeling I have that the lockdowns broke our social contract. Many of us did things simply because that's how they were always done. The realization that we could change our ways so drastically and quickly is not something we will ever fully get over. We can never unsee how quickly it can all break down, and we’ll likely never be quite so naive again.

But the economic aspect of all this is often overlooked. Our lives have become less stable; we no longer have as much to share.

This is why I was concerned with how dismissively our leaders and institutions treated the economic disruptions during Covid. Though factual, the statement “interest rates are at historic lows, Glen” failed to recognize that their unprecedented nature was more a warning sign than a reassurance.

I’ve always sensed - likely because of my connections with people from diverse backgrounds, including my partner - that perceived Canadian niceness stems more from comfort and complacency than any sort of inherent virtue. Recognizing how people from tougher places can adapt and soften here suggests that the reverse could also happen to us, should we let our complacency lead to things getting less comfortable.

Our society was already facing significant challenges before Covid, with life already becoming less comfortable for many. The most obvious example to point to is our housing crisis, which has been slowly eroding our economy and social fabric for over a decade.

However, what we chose to do in response to Covid certainly made many of those problems much, much worse - and especially this one.

Policies that spurred the demand for larger living and working spaces, coupled with the aforementioned historically low interest rates, prompted more people to take on even greater debt. This severely intensified an already mounting cost of living crisis.

I suspect an unwillingness to admit that many Covid policies were potentially flawed at the time contributes to our inability to fully confront and rectify their consequences now.

The nebulous nature of these issues makes them even more challenging to resolve.

I am sure that many who protest for Palestine do so out of genuine concern for what they see as oppression. But I also think our shaken sense of security, in general, means we are all just a little bit quicker to take extreme sides in such disputes.

At the same time, our burgeoning collective unease makes it all the more dangerous not to be more careful.

In a less stable society, the majority's opinion may not always align with righteousness, often shifting motivation from principles to more basic needs.

To preserve the integration and compassion that have long defined us, especially as Canada faces tough times, we're going to have to work harder.

The undue leeway given to the pro-Palestine side of the divide, when legitimate protest starts to blur into incitement of hatred, if not violence, may seem like the safer option to some - but it has the very dangerous potential to further erode our social contract, undermining our commitment to equal rights under the law and thus increasing the vulnerability of our society.

In the same way that growing income inequality destabilizes us because people need to feel like they have a chance to succeed in order to keep trying and participating in our economy - they also require a sense of safety in order to trust and participate in the rest of society.

To this end, our leaders also need to wake up to the need to base international decisions on a more comprehensive understanding of global contexts, rather than merely on domestic political gain. Our recent support for a UN resolution that favoured Hamas represented a significant undermining of Canada's foreign policy integrity.

This is a critical time for thoughtful decision-making in international affairs. In the wake of Covid, much of the world, like Canada, has been shaken and made less stable.

This global instability necessitates more careful consideration of our actions and their potential implications. Decisions like our UN vote can have far-reaching ramifications beyond our borders, particularly in an already fragile international context. When Hamas publicly thanks you for your choices, it's not just a bad look - it's a clear indication of a big problem with your overall priorities, that needs to be taken seriously.

Our enduring tendency to allow politics to eclipse such important principles is of a different era. It is simply too dangerous to continue doing this in our current context.

My partner, coming from a society where scarcity was the norm, was initially astounded by the openness of Canadian stores. He marvelled at how items were openly displayed and not taken or stolen. Both the level of trust and abundance that this implied were entirely new to him. 

That sense of trust and security is now waning in Canada. The abundance and consequent respect for property we once took for granted are now challenged, warning of a possible shift towards more of the conditions he once knew.

Recognizing this shift is uncomfortable, but it's also vital if we want to preserve the privileges we've long enjoyed. It's been all too easy to take these advantages for granted without fully appreciating what it takes to maintain them.

It’s really, really hard for most people to shift from following what they were told was the right thing, to admitting that this very thing caused harm. To do that, they would have to confront the difficult truth that they aren’t as good or nice as they think, but rather just compliant. 

It's even harder to consider that those labelled as bad for not conforming might have been right about some things. A whole lot of people are completely incapable of navigating grey areas, and would rather condemn us all to darkness than admit they don’t really see the light.

I really don’t intend for this to sound depressing or demoralizing, though I recognize it might seem that way. Rather, I consider this a necessary wake-up call, an impetus for action. 

The qualities that once amazed my partner about Canada may be diminishing, but they're not gone. Canada is still a better place than many, but complacency is no longer an option. Actively working to preserve our strengths and not taking them for granted is essential.

As we approach the year's end and are about to leave behind its darkest day, it's crucial for us to recognize the need for more proactive efforts to keep Canada's lights shining. While challenges are evident, a brighter future is definitely still within our reach. 

We just need to strive to actively seek the best way forward, rather than passively relying on a better tomorrow as if improvement were a switch that can simply be flipped on.